The Sunshine Factor

where sunshine is a way of life

Rules You SHOULD Break


Shandi-lee XXX {contentment}

Shandi-lee XXX {contentment} (Photo credit: Shandi-lee)

Being a writer, as some of you know, gives one an opportunity to examine their beliefs, attitudes and actions – so much goes on in a person’s internal world – do you agree?

I laughed at myself again last week, when it became “crucial” for me to get to my hair salon, the sooner the better.   I wanted to get my hair trimmed and colored to kind of practice for the wedding.  Now this may not seem like a big deal, but to me it was – because of the previous rule I had made for myself.  “After cancer recovery, I am not going to color my hair.  I don’t want any more chemicals on my skin or being absorbed by my body – chemotherapy was enough, thank you very much!  No matter how my hair looks when it grows back, that’s how it’s going to stay.”….

I was born a towhead (almost-white blonde – just like picture above), and even as I got older, my hair was pretty light brown with natural highlights.  After cancer, it came back very dark blonde (but not yet brunette).  I didn’t think it looked so terrible, I was just glad to have hair again, but a lot of people said “But it’s so dark!”

Lately I’ve been learning that even if you set goals or ideals for yourself, it doesn’t mean you have to stick with them forever.  You can just readjust and have new ideals – not a bad thing unless it’s against the law or hurts yourself or others…so, I applied that to this hair thing.  Normally I work on developing my inner self and don’t panic about what’s on the outside, but I’m so glad I changed my mind about my hair.  It looks almost identical to what I had as a child, and I guess it does keep me looking younger than my years.

So guys – okay, so enough about all this hair talk.  I can’t believe I found so much to say on the topic!  But the moral here can apply to guys too – one can always change their mind.  Most rules that are unspoken or made up by a person are ones that aren’t always appropriate.

“Never say never” comes to mind.  It’s true, it’s good to keep one’s self open to possibilities, but in a case where it’s for your safety that you say “never again”, it’s best to stick with that.

“Give away any clothes that you have not worn for an entire year.  Do not keep things that are out of style or do not fit.”   I can think of an exception:  what about the widow who feels like hanging onto her deceased hubby’s sweatshirt because she feels comforted when she wears it?  Does it have an automatic timeline feature where the sweatshirt will self-destruct if kept for a year without use??!!  Really?

I still cringe when I overhear people saying words to the effect of, “I don’t know why she just doesn’t get over him.  I mean, he’s been dead for a year now.  A year is long enough for someone to grieve.”    By whose calendar?  Wait till that person has to grieve, then they will find out that there is no timeline for grief.  The time periods for going through grief are as individual as people.  Folks need to take as much time as they need; this is part of nature.  It’s for their benefit that they don’t rush the grieving process.  They need patience and understanding from others at times like this.  I can remember after my sister died, it was more than a year later and every once in awhile I’d get a quick sensation of loss.  Those sensations would come out of nowhere, and often when I was driving my car!

I will close for now with a thought I’d like to leave you with:  don’t let anyone bully you into keeping their plans for your life, don’t be hard on yourself or others, and don’t be afraid of change.  It’s what makes the world keep going around…   🙂

Author: Debb Stanton

I am an optimistic, positive person who is a seven year cancer survivor. Since that time I have learned that getting a cancer diagnosis does not always mean an automatic death sentence. I like to share my hope with others and continue to encourage them - no matter who they are or what they need encouragement for. I write poems, prayers, articles, and stories. Recently the premiere issue of my online magazine, launched. Thank you for visiting!

10 thoughts on “Rules You SHOULD Break

  1. People are really thoughtless when they are saying words like that – and some are just simple-minded so to speak that they don’t know what they say at all … some don’t have empathy and some are jealous about the attention the woman/man gets – there is a thousand of reasons. Hm! Reminds me to make my hair cut as well 😉 – Thank you for sharing

    • You’re welcome! And I’m only just getting warmed up (for reporting some thoughtless things I heard as a cancer patient! Well, actually that will be in my new blog I’m creating on Saturday) !! 🙂

      I wanted to thank you, Mariane, for following my blog. It is great to have you on board!


  2. Yesterday I was reading a book that talked about naming the phases of your life and acknowledging that there are different chapters/phases in life where different goals and rules apply. Sounds like you are moving on to a new hair chapter/phase.

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